


I'm so sorry, I love you

by Cant_We_Just_Dance



Series: Laflams Alex is ignored [2]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, Bad memories around storms for Alex, Bad poly, Crying, I say bad bc Laf is neglecting Alex, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2017-10-13
Packaged: 2018-12-10 23:57:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11702529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cant_We_Just_Dance/pseuds/Cant_We_Just_Dance
Summary: Lafayette realizes that he's been ignoring Alexander, and wants to make things right again.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, this is @jamisahivemind from tumblr! Make sure to comment, kudos, and hang out with me on the hellsite!

“Alexander? Can we talk?” Lafayette asked as Alexander walked through the front door of their apartment after a long day at work.

“Yeah, Laf,” Alexander replied, smiling at him and setting his bag on the coffee table, joining him on the couch. “Is something wrong?”

“No-yes- I just wanted to talk to you about some stuff…” Lafayette answered, biting his lower lip and running a hand through his curls. “I…I’ve noticed that I happen to be spending a lot more time with John than I do with you… And that you’ve been rather distant from the two of us…And I think it would be best if we-”

“No!” Alexander interjected, eyes wide with fear and panic. He took one of Lafayette’s hands in his and squeezed it tightly, obviously holding back tears. “I can- I can be better, I can be close to the two of you again, I swear! I won’t be so needy anymore, promise! You can spend as much time with John as you want, but please…Don’t leave me….”

Lafayette stared at Alexander, shocked. “I…Alex, I don’t want to break up with you. I want to be a better boyfriend to you.”

“What?” Alexander asked, taken aback by Lafayette’s words. “Y-you don’t have to do that…Yeah, you spend more time with John, but…I don’t mind.”

“Alexander…I heard you crying last night…” Lafayette admitted, looking away from his boyfriend. 

“I-you did? But how? I was sleeping on the couch last night, and you were in bed with John!”

“Alex, that was, what, the fifth time sleeping on the couch this week? John was asleep, and I was trying to fall asleep, and then….I heard you crying and sobbing. And I tried getting up to go to you, to comfort you, and…And I was so tired that my brain wouldn’t function properly, and I couldn’t unlock the door- the door was locked…We never locked the door before, I don’t know when we started it, but…Was it locked during the storm on Tuesday?”

Alexander chose not to reply, instead continuing to pretend that the tears forming in his eyes weren’t causing the small stinging sensation.

“It was, then…I was so happy that you’d been strong enough to not need us during the night, but…You did, didn’t you?”

“…I did. The door was locked, and you were asleep, and…I was so scared…I needed you…And you weren’t there…” Alexander admitted, finally allowing tears to trail down his cheeks.

Lafayette quickly pulled Alexander into a tight hug, feeling as the shorter man shook in his arms. “I’ll do better…” He whispered, running a hand through Alexander’s hair. “I promise…I’m so sorry…I love you…”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So...Um...This happens...

“Lafayette?” John asked, looking up from his book to speak to his boyfriend. The afternoon sunlight shone on his curls, twisting and twirling like golden ribbons of fiery embers. “Can I talk to you about something? Something important?”

“Of course, mon cher, what seems to be the problem?” Lafayette replied, setting his laptop aside and pushing himself up and closer to John, as to speak to him clearly. “Alexander will not be home for a few more hours, perhaps we should save this for when he is here as well?”

“Alex is actually what I wanted to talk about,” John admitted, turning slightly and staring at Lafayette with an expression of not-quite disappointment swirled in with what may have at one point meant to be sorrow. “I… I’ve noticed that he doesn’t sleep in our bed very often anymore, that we don’t go on dates with him anymore, and for our anniversary last week he didn’t have anything special planned, and-”

“I spoke with Alexander about this last night,” Lafayette cut him off, reaching out and squeezing his hand gently, as reassuringly as he could. “We had a very nice conversation about it, and we’ve decided to fix our problems.”

John smiled at Lafayette sweetly, leaning in and pulling him into a warm embrace, peppering kisses all along his neck. “Oh, Laffy, you always know just what to do! I love you so much, and now that Alexander is out of the way, we can be together, just us!”

“I love you too, Jo- wait, what?” Lafayette inquired, left partially breathless and entirely in disbelief at what his boyfriend had just told him. He was entirely sure that he’d misheard him, that his voice had just been a song on the radio crackling out due to shoddy reception, but now that they were back where they started, every tune would be sung out clearly.

“We can be together,” John repeated, still grinning, his eyes wide with hope and undiluted joy, filling into each freckle like maple syrup, sticky and sweet and oh so pure. “Since you already broke up with Alex, and I can just talk to him when he gets home, and this will be so much easier than I thought t would be. I knew that you didn’t really love him either, but I wasn’t sure until just now. It must not have been easy, since you’ve been with him for the longest time, but now we can be  _happy_ …”

“John…” Lafayette whispered, feeling as his breaths became more and more compressed until his heart shattered under the stress. “I didn’t break up with him. I love him…”

John stared at Lafayette once more, eyes still wide, but not with happiness, not anymore. No, this time they were filled with confusion and a frightening amount of determination. “You… You love him?”

“Yes, I love him,” Lafayette confirmed, unsure of exactly what to do at the moment.

“But… He doesn’t love us, Laf… He ignored our anniversary-”

“ _Our_  anniversary. Not the anniversary of all three of us. Just the one of you and me,” Lafayette pointed out, a confusing mix of emotions filling his chest, like a cake mix of sugar, butter, and cyanide. “And he told me how excluded he felt- like we didn’t love him anymore.”

“Well there’s a reason for that!” John exclaimed, clutching Lafayette’s hand like a lifeline. “We don’t love him!”

“ _You_  don’t love him,” Lafayette whispered, his voice pained and weak with the stress of what had just occurred. “But  _I_  love him. Have… Have you been excluding him on purpose?”

“Of course I have!” John answered, almost teetering over the edge of fury. “He was trying to ruin our relationship, he tried to take you from me, and he doesn’t deserve you, he doesn’t deserve  _any_ of the love you have that shouldn’t even be given to him in the slightest!”

“…I thought you loved me.”

“I-what? I love you, Laf, I did all of this for you- for  _us_.”

“You did this for yourself. You break Alexander’s heart, you break mine… And if you’re not careful, soon enough the only one left to shatter will be yours.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ay look who totally doesnt know how to add the last chapter till two months later

So maybe Alexander had heard some things he hadn't meant to hear.

Shouts and screams that shot through the room like bullets out of a stolen gun, searing through the hearts of anyone who ever tried listening. Lafayette stood tall, imposing over John, a stark contrast. Instead of standing up and matching Lafayette's tone, John sat on the couch, half-curled up into a ball in a strange mixture of guilt and resentment.He sat shivering as though the apartment were freezing cold, despite the taller man's fiery tone and hot-headed nature that had never shown itself until that very moment.

"Do you even love me?" John had asked as soon as Lafayette's screaming stopped for a moment to catch his breath. John's tone was diminutive, a single leaf flowing through the chilled autumn wind, the first signal of fall. Lafayette had frozen in place at those five words, eyes widening in realization of what he'd been screaming at one of the men he loved, but John may not have noticed, as he continued whispering with a wavering voice. "You obviously love Alexander- you've just spent the past twenty minutes shouting at me about how much you want him. But what about me? Don't you think I want to be loved, too? How did you treat Alexander before all this, huh? Every touch was gentle, each word carefully thought out as to not harm him, and never a careless thought toward him. But me? You didn't even blink when I told you things that affected me. You wouldn't have cared then, and you don't care now, because I tried so hard to make you care that I pushed you away and _I'm sorry!"_

"...John, I always loved you. I can't believe you ever doubted that," Lafayette breathed out, shocked and ashamed of his actions both previous and present. "I have more room in my heart than to just love one person-"

"But if you could only love one, it would be Alexander, wouldn't it?" John accused, an icy chill of emotion shooting down his spine and melting into teardrops that slid down his cheeks as snowflakes through a blizzard sky. "Because Alexander always comes first to you. Alexander, Alexander, Alexander- I can see a little bit of your heart break every time something happens to Alexander, every time Alexander gets left out the very same way I was for so damn long. But if little bits of your heart keep getting chipped off like that... What's going to be left for me to love?"

"All of me," Lafayette replied, sitting down on the couch and taking both of John's hands in his, squeezing them reassuringly and trying to hold back the tears forming in his own eyes. "All of my heart is yours to love, yours to break, every part of me is yours, John. Mon amour, I have never loved someone as I love you. Never forget that. Promise me. Promise that for as long as you live you shall never again forget how much I am in love with you. For I love you more than the skies stretch on forever, I love you more than I need air, I love you I love you, I love you. Promise me you know that, my darling..."

"...What about Alexander?" John asked quietly, letting his gaze drop down to his lap, trying to avoid the inevitability of rejection once more. "I don't love him, and you do... Are you going to leave me? I can go pack my things now-"

Without warning, Lafayette reached forward and tightly hugged John holding him as close as possible and pressing a kiss to the side of his forehead. "You will never have to leave. You may leave if that is what you wish, but... I could never wish for such a thing, mon cheri. As for Alexander... We'll figure something out. Just relax in my arms, and remember that my love for you shall never be equaled by anyone or anything else."

Alexander stood in the half-open doorway, hand clutched tightly over his gaping mouth in order to hold back sobs as tears tracked down his cheeks with incredible speed. Tightening his grip on the strap on his messenger bag, he closed the door as silently as he could, and ran down the stairs of their apartment building-

 

Just in time for John to stare at the now-closed door and smirk at the space where he had seen Alexander silently crumbling apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ooh snap lol john aint a good person yall PLOT TWIST AINT NOBODY GETTIN CHARACTER REDEMPTION UP IN HERE
> 
> you mad about that? drop a comment and tell me so!


End file.
